


Four Letter Words

by ximeria



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, Crack, Good Omens Big Bang, Humour, Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22466725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ximeria/pseuds/ximeria
Summary: Over the span of 6,000 years, Crowley has taught himself to never say or think the word 'love' in connection to Aziraphale. After the Armageddon fails to happen, he can, but one thing is theoretically knowing that he can confess his feeling, it's a whole other thing to break his self conditioning and do so.  Of course Heaven and Hell are making things even more difficult for the two. Because both sides have decided that getting the pair on their side would be a feather in their caps. Not only is this unwelcome, but also rude and could, quite frankly, have been timed better, if you ask Aziraphale. Ask Crowley, and he'll just make a noise and mutter about hellfire and burning.  This is a story of love, of the inability to say it when you feel it counts, the other ways you have to find to say or show it. It's about Heaven and Hell being a pain in the arse, an angel discovering the Internet and subconsciously miracling himself a twitter account just to post mushy thoughts about one rather oblivious demon, a few footnotes, which add that bit of crack to balance the emotional story.The first two chapters are tweets - it's crack, so much crack. If you'd rather skip it, go directly for 3rd chapter which is the actual story.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 118
Collections: Good Omens Big Bang 2019





	1. From the beginning to a tartan themos

**Author's Note:**

> I can't even begin to mention names in here. You all know who you are, but the top of the iceberg are: 
> 
> Idanit, Superfast JellyBitch - thank you for picking the above, slightly insane summary and for creating the artwork for the story (chapter 3) - the artwork is embedded as well as linked from that chapter. Please give these two all the love.
> 
> Thank you to my betas: Queer-omenss and Cirilien. And last, but not least, Meinposhbastard, who had her sticky fingers in this story first. When it was just a small baby with a mountain worth of Weltschmerz in angst. She poked and prodded it and me until it was unrecognizable and this cracky fic was the outcome.
> 
> This is also a huge thank you to the peeps on the GOBB discord server. You all know who you are, some of you had your fingers in the tweets as well. Some of the usernames are most certainly from you (thank you for allowing me to abuse names ;) ).
> 
> And in general, you have all be a joy to help mod and I can't wait to have time to read the stories and squee over the artwork.

Please don't be shy - if you feel like adding your own replies to the tweets - you're more than welcome to do so in the comments ;) 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Feeling a bit alone, even if the Garden is very lovely and I'm very excited for my new job. Miss my old platoon a little, though.  
#flaming_sword #garden_of_eden #cradle_of_mankind 09:44 AM, October 22nd 4004BC  10  150 

Tartan Angel  
@TartanAngel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 4h  
where's this garden, man - it's sleeting here and sun and a nice garden wouldn't go amiss. 10:15 PM, October 22nd 2019  1 

Pepper Grinder XL  
@pepper_grinder_XL   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 15h  
@tartanangel127 read the tags! It's _obviously_ a reference to the Garden of Eden, look at the posting date. It's a hoax, gotta be. 11:27 PM, October 22nd 2019  1  4 

Nightwatch_R_Us  
@nightwatch_r_us   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 14h  
#flaming_sword? Try a torch, mate, it's more effecient. 00:27 AM, October 23nd 2019  2 

Cryptid Walker  
@cryptid_walker   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 13h  
@nightwatch_r_usThis whole thing including the date on this tweet is like a TORCHwood case #cryptids #4004BC?  01:05 AM, October 23nd 2019  2  8 

Captain Jack's Underpants  
@cap_jacks_underoos   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 13h  
@cryptid_walker #too_soon #children_of_time_never_happened #ianto_lives #tosh_still_kicks_ass 01:20 AM, October 23nd 2019  2  15 

Beer Keg  
@beer_keg   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 12h  
Are you a soldier? Platoon and sword mentions, just wanna ask. Where were you posted? #allies #Royal_Scots_Dragoon_Guards #afghanistan 02:23 AM, October 23nd 2019  3  19 

Saint Andrew's Hell Spawn  
@andrew_spaw   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 12h  
@beer_keg Hey! I was with the #Royal_Scots_Dragoon_Guards in #afghanistan as well. Am still in physio after losing that leg. 02:55 AM, October 23nd 2019  4  27 

Beer Keg  
@beer_keg   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 13h  
@andrew_spaw OMG, Andy, is that you?! Roger Adams, here! 02:58 AM, October 23nd 2019  9  39 

Saint Andrew's Hell Spawn  
@andrew_spaw   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 13h  
@beer_keg Bloddy hell! Yes! Missed your stupid face, haven't seen it in too long! 03:09 AM, October 23nd 2019  36  79 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 5h  
OP is obviously smoking some good shite, but have you all seen the @beer_keg and @andrew_spaw convo? I'm catching some feeeeeeels!! 11:49 AM , October 23nd 2019  39  49 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
💧💧😇😈☂️  
#garden #protector #demonic_new_friend 03:25 PM, October 28th, 4004BC  60  460 

Ho-Ho-Holy-Shit  
@ho_ho_holy_shit   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
The dating on this?! Is twitter broken or something? Or is this an elaborate hoax? 10:15 PM, October 28th 2019  2  6 

Tartan Angel  
@TartanAngel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 8h  
Wha?! Is that a dirty metaphor or someth?! Is the unicorn shagging the demon??? How does that even work? 11:27 PM, October 28th 2019  2 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 8h  
@TartanAngel127 I SHIP IT. 11:59 PM, October 28th 2019  4  9 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Oh dear, that's now how reproduction works, I think  
#confused_angel #confused_demon  
#unicornless_ark #hereditary_enemies 02:41 PM, September 13th 3003BC  112  896 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 3h  
. 10:55 AM, October 13th 2019  1  27 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
How am I here, consoling a demon with a breaking heart?  
#not_the_children #poor_demon #a_demon_with_a_heart? 05:15 AM, September 15th 3003BC  146  499 

Registeredjademark  
@registeredjademark   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 5h  
😭 10:40 AM, October 14th 2019  15 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn · 2h  
@registeredjademark I fixed it! "Would That I Could Give You My Heart" (ao3) 01:32 PM, October 14th 2019  6  29 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
I'd have said he was trying to tempt ...someone, appearing like that, but dear God, the look in his eyes would have broken even the heart of a saint.  
#sad #pretty-demon #all_the_kingdoms_of_the_world #be_kind_to_one_other 04:53 PM, April 3rd 33AD  30  309 

Jesus Loves You  
@jesus_is_love   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 4h  
Should I pray to saints - do they listen, does God? 10:53PM, October 14th 2019 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Had lovely oisters and the best company at Patronus' 😇  
#angel_delight #demon_companion #oisters 01:05 PM, July 5th 41AD  49  424 

Ho-Ho-Holy-Shit  
@ho_ho_holy_shit   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
That DATE, though!? Am I the ONly one seeing this?! 11:15 PM, October 29th 2019  2  19 

JA_Croe  
@ja_croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
@ho_ho_holy_shit There's a perfectly good explanation to this, you know. 11:22 PM, October 29th 2019  5  9 

Ho-Ho-Holy-Shit  
@ho_ho_holy_shit   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
@ja_croe \- What?!! 11:25 PM, October 28th 2019  6 

JA_Croe  
@ja_croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
@ho_ho_holy_shit Our lord and Saviour Jesus Christ 😂 11:22 PM, October 29th 2019  5  13 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
The Black Knight shall not best me, though his sword is mighty!  
#hereditary_enemies #demon #black_knight 09:41 AM, October 15th 537AD  49  424 

AngstAvenger  
@AngstAvenger   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 10h  
Is that a metaphor? 04:20 PM, November 1st 2019  6  27 

JA_Croe  
@JA_Croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
Dudes! Look at the DATE! Is this a troll or an immortal? 05:09 PM, November 1st 2019  31  98 

WortsJorts  
@WortsJorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 8h  
@JA_Croe Is this a cryptid?! 05:57 PM, November 1st 2019  14  53 

Tartan Angel  
@Tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 3h  
@JA_Croe @WortsJorts obviously either crazy or immortal - my money's on both! 11:41 PM, November 1st 2019  5  23 

Meinposhbastard  
@Meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 2h  
@JA_Croe @WortsJorts @TartanAngel127  
11:50 PM, November 1st 2019  6  18 

Samvelg-likes-things  
@samvelg-likes-things   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h  
Mighty sword! Mighty peen more like it XD 01:25 AM, November 2nd 2019  2  13 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
What my dear friend did for Hamlet... 😍  
#the_bard #demon_so_good_to_me #shakespeare #hamlet #signalboosting 02:15 PM, June 4th 1601  75  431 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 5d  
*GAsP!* What did he do? 😉 04:23 AM, November 2nd 2019  2  26 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 6h  
Is this what he did? 😜 "Serenading my bard" (ao3)  
#willie_shakes #inappropriate_use_of_hamlet #clever_tongue #wink_wink #nudge_nudge 08:23 AM, November 7th 2019  39  79 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
I shouldn't rejoice at the sound of his voice, but oh! His sweet, dulcet tones caused my heart to stutter. (even dressed like that!)  
#crepes #height_of_fashion #we_will_always_have_paris #angel_delight 10:25 AM, October 16th 1793  89  741 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 15h  
This is no less weird but still funny. So, vampire? Eldritch being? What do we think? 01:48 AM, November 10th 2019  6  39 

WortsJorts  
@wortsjorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 12h  
@TartanAngel127 Oh man, dunno - maybe we should think outside the box? But definitely not human (unless he's trolling us - maybe he's a troll!) #monsters_are_real 04:28 AM, November 10th 2019  9  27 

Pepper_Grinder_XL  
@pepper_grinder_xl   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 7h  
@tartanangel127 @wortsjorts \- look at the tags. Don't you have eyes? He keeps going on about angels and demons in the tags! #reading_is_a_necessary_skill 09:14 AM, November 10th 2019  12  48 

AdamTheAdversary  
@adamtheadversary   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 4h  
@pepper_grinder_xl @tartanangel127 @wortsjorts \- my money's on a troll. Also, you can't backdate tweets! 12:25 PM, November 10th 2019  6  34 

JA_Croe  
@ja_croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 4h  
But what's he wearing?! #we_want_to_know 12:38 PM, November 10th 2019  9 33 

AngstAvenger  
@angstavenger   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 3h  
@JA_Croe NOTHING!? 😜 01:21 PM, November 10th 2019  13  59 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h  
@JA_Croe @AngstAvenger  
03:44 PM, November 10th 2019  2  26 

Jesus Loves Me  
@99312sinnersburn   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h  
@JA_Croe @AngstAvenger @meinposhbastard  
y’all need jesus! #oh_lord #forgive_these_sinners 03:50 PM, November 10th 2019  2  26 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
How! How could he ask for something so dangerious of me?! It will surely kill him! (And he'll leave me behind, alone for the rest of eternity) 😭  
#sad_angel #distraught_angel #crying_angel #dastardly_demon 01:39 PM, October 15th 1862  41  398 

Registeredjademark  
@registeredjademark   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 15h  
please don't despair. Can you talk to him about this? There are hotlines to help you. 03:05 PM, November 15th 2019  3  47

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 14h  
@registeredjademark  
here's a link to a list of hotlines for like a bazillion countries. Hope it helps because my heart weeps for you. [helplines] 04:13 PM, November 15th 2019  51  88 

Registeredjademark  
@registeredjademark   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 5h  
@meinposhbastard  
That link crashed. Here's another one 01:09 AM, November 16th 2019  49  89 

AngstAvenger  
@angstavenger   
@last_angelic_unicorn · 4h  
I hope you talked to him! Keep us posted! 02:30 AM, November 16th 2019  3  32 

WortsJorts  
@wortsjorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn · 3h  
If you're ever in NJ, there's comfort pizza at @DaToni waiting for you! 03:40 AM, November 16th 2019  15  36 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn · 3h  
@wortsjorts Bro, can I get one too? my gurl broke up w/me yesterday 03:47 AM, November 16th 2019  4  219 

WortsJorts  
@wortsjorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn · 2h  
@tartanangel127 Sorry, mate. only angelic unicorns get a freebee.  04:12 AM, November 16th 2019  5  15 

* There are many replies like this one and they go a long way to strenghten Aziraphale's belief in the goodness of mankind.

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
#Darling_demon 💖 #dashing_rogue 💖 #love? 💖 #demon_to_the_rescue 💖 #take_me_to_church  
How can I deny my feelings anymore?!  
💖💘💖  11:43 PM, February 26th 1941  125  641 

JA_Croe  
@ja_croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 8h  
Wow, feels like I got shot in the face with cupid's arrows. 🏹 03:05 PM, November 25th 2019  17  56 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 4h  
@JA_Crow \- Hush, it's so romantic! 😍😍😍😍😍 07:29 PM, November 25th 2019  21  67 

Jeanzebel74  
@Jeanzebel74   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 2h  
1941!!!? WTF! This is fake! 09:13 PM, November 25th 2019  3  2 

WortsJorts  
@wortsjorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h  
Who cares @Jeanzebel74? It's bloody entertaining! 08:37 PM, November 25th 2019  12  29 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
I can not let him go through with this stupid caper of his. I'm going to give him what he wants.  
#holy-water #darling_demon #please_be_careful  10:41 PM, May 17th 1967  214  780 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 11h  
Oooooooooooh 08:58 AM, November 29th 2019  14  68 

AngstAvenger  
@angstavenger   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h  
Stop it! It's obviously serious! @tartanangel127 10:37 AM, November 29th 2019  9  73 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 7h  
@angstavenger? nah - sexy times! 01:15 PM, November 29th 2019  9  49 


	2. From the End Times to Happily Ever After (Post-Apocalypse style)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, you're all more than welcome to make comments as replies to the tweet. Aziraphale would appreciate it XD.

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
The End Times are coming 😭  
#sadness 09:44 PM, August 5th 2008  50  172 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 5h   
Que passa. 11:14 PM , May 22nd 2019  6  88 

Pepper Grinder XL  
@pepper_grinder_XL   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 14h   
@meinposhbastard Pretty sure it’s about the car accident two days ago 11:58 PM, May 22nd 2019  1  15 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Day after day we are not accostumed to spending so much time in each other's company but I find I crave it even more. So good with the child 😍  
#demonic_nanny #gardening 06:58 AM, August 25th 2013  69  202 

Registeredjademark  
@registeredjademark   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 9h   
did you get married and had children?! 03:41 PM, July 18th 2019  4  10 

Ho-Ho-Holy-Shit  
@ho_ho_holy_shit   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 7h   
Whta the heck is this date fuckery?? 05:13 PM, July 18th 2019  6  9 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 6D  
The hellhound has been named and the end of days are drawing nearer.  11:45 PM, August 4th 2019  15  99 

Jesus Loves Me  
@99312sinnersburn   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h   
And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, with ten horns and seven heads, with ten diadems on its horns and blasphemous names on its heads.  
#repent_sinners  03:11 PM, August 5th 2019  9 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 2 days  
#something_is_coming #who_summons_the_horsemen 02:41 PM, August 8th 2019  14  189 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 1 day  
I wish I could go,I wish I could say yes, if wishes were horses...  
#alpha_centauri #eloping #love 7:30 PM, August 9th 2019  12  208 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h   
OMGGG! PLS TELL ME YOU ELOPED! PLSSSS! 11:14 PM , August 9th 2019  9  148 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Last day.  
#great_big_bugger #kraken 08:45 AM, August 10th 2019  49  219 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 5h42m  
#fuck #bad_angels #inconvenient_discorporation  11:14 AM, August 10th 2019  15  208 

JA_Croe  
@JA_Croe   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 2h   
are angelic unicorns even allowed to swear? 01:09 PM, August 10th 2019  14  198 

WortsJorts  
@WortsJorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn· 1h   
@JA_Croe yeah, inquiring minds want to know  02:17 PM, August 10th 2019  17  153 

Meinposhbastard  
@Meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· now   
@JA_Croe @WortsJorts  
guys, guys @last_angelic_unicorn got discorporated???? Please tell me it’s a joke!  03:20 PM, August 10th 2019  29  295 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 2H  
Oh no, so much despair. Were it that I was still corporeal - I'd hold him so tight 😭  
#demon_drinking #darling_demon #despair  01:45 PM, August 10th 2019  19  242 

Meinposhbastard  
@Meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· now   
AAAAAH! THIS LOVE STORY IS KILLING ME PLS BE OKAY YOU TWO I’M EMOTIONALLY INVESTED!  01:48 PM, August 10th 2019  24  499 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 30M  
Receptive body has been found and we ride to stop the Apocalypse!  
#determination #saving_the_world #demon_driver #speed_demon #ring_of_fire 03:15 PM, August 10th 2019  8  191 

WortsJorts  
@wortsjorts   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
receptive body??? We ride? Apocalypse?? What shittery is this???  03:19 AM, August 10th 2019  14  85 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
@wortsjorts look, we collectively gave up trying to figure this out. Just enjoy the ride. 03:20 AM, August 10th 2019  9  89 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
@tartanangel127 @wortsjorts  
except that one who’s still stuck on the date. Feel like evolution will come for them first.  03:24 PM, August 10th 2019  15  148 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 17M  
#the_gathering  
🎵my boyfriend's back🎵 03:28PM , August 10th 2019  24  287 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
T-minus 16M  
Oh look, Morningstar himself  
#anti-anti-christ #satanic_fatherhood  03:29 PM, August 10th 2019  4  236 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
The end came and went  
#night_in_demonic_company #bus_rides #so_inviting #cant_tell_him_Im_in_love 01:24 AM, August 12th 2019  15  291 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Sunday, walk in the park, abduction by head office (in broad daylight!).  
#masquerade #angelic_demon #demonic_angel #swapsies #finally_free 03:10 PM, August 12th 2019  26  191 

* * *

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
The first day of the rest of our lives 💖 💖 💖 💖  
#freedom_to_choose #free_will #love_of_my_life 10:29 PM, August 13th 2019  37  309 

Meinposhbastard  
@meinposhbastard   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
11:44 PM, August 13th 2019  24  145 

Tartan Angel  
@tartanangel127   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊  
Just wanted to let you know that I found my angel/demon too 😍😍 11:47 AM, August 13th 2019  19  104 

Registeredjademark  
@registeredjademark   
@last_angelic_unicorn· just now   
💒🔔😀😂👌❤️😍  
@tartanangel127 congratulations to you too!! 11:52 PM, August 15th 2019  16  81 


	3. Four Letter Words (the really hard ones to say)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual story. No, there are still tweets in here, because if I have to suffer, so do you ;P.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stress it enough how much I love Idanit and Superfast JellyBitch for being my cohorts in this and for not taking one look at this absurd idea and then running for the hills. Thank you so very much ;)
> 
> You can find [Idanit here](https://idanit.tumblr.com/post/190569729220/if-the-smell-of-hot-chocolate-now-dropped-onto)  
> Superfast JellyBitch's artpost to follow
> 
> Both artists' artwork are embedded at the points in the story where they depict a scene. Thank you to Idanit for feeding this insanity by making the banner look like a tweet XD. I think I expected people to stop me, not encourage me!

**Son of note: Spot the Terry Pratchett joke ;)**

The highlight of Crowley's day so far: calling the Archangel Michael an angelic wanker in the middle of St. James' park. And how had this come about? Well, it all boiled down to Crowley and his insecurities and self-perceived shortcomings, layered with Aziraphale's neverending reserves of patience and love. 

In this case, the catalyst of this entire mess would be just that: the word 'love'. 

According to modern dictionaries, love was defined along the lines of: 

(1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties 

(2) : attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers 

(3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests 

There were, of course, even more definitions of love, because in many ways, love was as ineffable as God's plans for the Universe. However, this did not stop mankind from trying to define and redefine it over the centuries. 

In this story, for the sake of simplicity, the above definition should suffice. Defining the love between an angel and a demon should be kept as simple as possible — it was a relationship fraught with complications as it were — no need to make it worse. 

The angel in question was of course not the Archangel Michael. Michael was merely a nuisance much like the rest of the Hellish and Heavenly creatures muddying the waters of true love in this story. 

To understand why Crowley, a demon, was yelling abuse at an archangel in the middle of St. James Park on a Wednesday afternoon, one would need to know what had gone on before. 

And all it boiled down to was that little, innocent, four letter word. 

Aziraphale had said it first. Crowley wanted to think he'd handled it well, but he'd be fooling no one, least of all himself. 

They hadn't talked about what was supposed to happen after the end-that-wasn't. Or how it would change their friendship. Because it would. It had to. Crowley couldn't allow it to stay as it had those past 6000 years. 

For one, with both heaven and hell at least temporarily off their backs, neither of them were quite as wary around the other anymore. They were still both worried about what their former employers might throw at them, but since their friendship was no longer a secret, there was no need to hide it either. If anything, they both seemed to have decided that they were better off together — safety in numbers and all. 

It meant that, rather than meet every few years, decades, or centuries, they spent nearly every afternoon and evening in each other's company. It wasn't like they had anything better to do. Well, Crowley at least didn't. He didn't feel like causing chaos as he had before, but Aziraphale still had his bookshop to keep him busy. 

The very same bookshop that had burned down. He had to believe that he managed to hide his reaction every time he came to visit. He had to, for his angel's sake. He tried not to think too much about it. About the emptiness in his chest when he'd thought he'd lost Aziraphale for good, the void that had threatened to swallow him whole. That he'd been left all alone on earth. He wasn't too proud to admit, to himself at least, that he had given up at that point and just decided to drink Armageddon away. 

And about as far out the other side of it as he could find alcohol to last him. 

But it hadn't come to that, had it? And somehow it was almost as bad, because it meant he would have to deal with the emotions and the thoughts in his head. The flutter in his chest. 

He hadn't even given it a name when it had first happened, had he? Hadn't truly acknowledged it. 

The first time had been on the wall of the Garden, just as the first drops of the first rain began to fall. He'd shuffled closer to get under the extended wing, wondering at the angel who was uncharacteristically not trying to smite him, but instead seemed to feel a need to protect him. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
💧💧😇😈☂️  
#garden #protector #demonic_new_friend 03:25 PM, October 28th, 4004BC  60  460 

[footnote 1]

Crawly had taken one look at the flutter in his chest and carefully, as if it was the smallest little creature of creation with a barely there heartbeat, buried it so deep within his being that it would never see the light of day again. It was a dangerous flutter, one that could cause the wrong kind of trouble if he let it grow. 

And he didn't want the angel to get into trouble just because of him. This creature of Heaven who was behaving so un-angelic around a demon had to be preserved. Hell was ever so boring and here Crawley was, having found the most interesting new acquaintance in the most unexpected of places. 

Perhaps in the beginning, he let his fondness slip through — later as well, but he always kept it on the down-low. Always made sure that he wasn't caught getting his friend's arse out of whatever trouble he'd managed to get it into. 

Crowley licked his lips and closed his eyes. While he wouldn't be held accountable by Hell anymore, he probably shouldn't be thinking about an angelic arse — even if it was cute and lovely and had a penchant for getting into trouble.[2]

  


The little things were alright. The manipulation of reality to have Shakespeare's Hamlet become an immortal classic. Making sure that a table at whatever establishment had caught Aziraphale's eye — or taste buds — would be available for them when they went out for dinner. 

The big ones though, the Bastille, where he'd hidden in the dark, waiting for Aziraphale to simply miracle himself out of trouble. It had been a lesson in frustration to watch him do absolutely nothing about it. They'd joked about strongly worded memos, but Crowley had seen the worry in Aziraphale's eyes. One didn't want to attract unwanted attention from one’s head office. Seemed to be the same no matter which office was in question. 

During the Blitz had been no different. Crowley had known what Aziraphale had been up to, but he hadn't meant to intervene. The angel had been so excited about being part of the operation that Crowley had felt sorry for him when it turned out he'd been double crossed. 

Long story short, every time he'd run into Aziraphale through the ages, he'd felt that little flutter. When the angel smiled, when he said something stupid, or did something silly. 

Or when he looked at Crowley, silently asking for small favours. 

Every little flutter was carefully ignored and locked away. Never thought about, always sealed away with the word he wasn't allowed to say to Aziraphale, the four letter one that Heaven or Hell could see fit to use against him. 

Not that Crowley worried particularly about himself, but he couldn't let any of it hurt his friend. It was a small price to pay. The emotions, the reactions, the huge ones, locked away and sealed with the word he wouldn't even allow himself to think about. 

That didn't mean he couldn't use the word at all. He could say he loved a good temptation, that he loved the little things humanity came up with. Like cars. And music, and stereos and alcohol. 

But in connection to Aziraphale... he'd scoured the word from his mind and heart. Even thinking it would be courting trouble. If Hell ever found out he'd been aiding the angel, it would spell trouble for himself; if they realized how he felt for Aziraphale... Hell would not stop at punishing him — they'd take Aziraphale and make Crowley witness the torture as they would, quite literally, put him through hell. 

Just one more reason to never even think the word. 

Now, with Armageddon averted, he wished he could. He wished he could take the layers of carefully laid chains off the chest that held his regards for Aziraphale, but he couldn't. 

It all brought him back to the fact that Aziraphale had said it first and it was possible Crowley had reacted a little rashly. 

A little? Fucking understatement. 

He'd felt sick to the stomach, pushed to his feet from where he'd been lounging on the couch with a glass of wine. The wine glass hit the floor a moment after Crowley had rushed out, out of the backroom, out of the bookshop and into the Bentley, tearing off into the early evening. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Confessed my feelings to the love of my life.  
Love of my life ran away 😭 01:20 PM, November 25th 2019  15  198 

And this was where he was now. In the Bentley speeding off in a non-specific direction. He just needed to _move_ , not sit still, not stay somewhere where his thoughts or Aziraphale could find him. 

Driving aimlessly had a habit of getting him to places he should be, but, by leaving it to the Bentley, he was back in Soho less than two hours later. The rain was coming down so fast that Crowley considered looking for that one unicorn that had escaped the ark — and maybe the flood — the first time around. The yellow light from the streetlights gave nighttime London its usual hazy, sickly look, washed out by the downpour of water. 

It wasn't like Crowley hadn't spent his drive thinking about it. He had. But most of the drive had been filled with the hurt and worried expression he'd glimpsed on Aziraphale's face a moment before he'd bolted out of the bookshop and into the night. 

Right after the angel had said it. 

The Bentley pulled to a stop in its customary space across from the bookshop. Crowley leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. The stereo wasn't playing, which was a bit out of the ordinary. It was as if even the Bentley was blaming him for this, for what he'd just done to Aziraphale. The one being in Creation who had ever expressed feelings of love for him. Of course, one could argue that Aziraphale was a being of love and thus could love anything and anyone, but Crowley knew better. He knew Aziraphale didn't outright hate anyone or anything, but he did dislike like no one else. Haughty, stick-your-nose up dislike. 

Crowley couldn't stop a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Yeah, Aziraphale had tells when he liked someone just because he should and then there was the extra layer of delight that only shone through when he truly meant it, when it was Aziraphale and not the Guardian of the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden, who had been made to love all Her creations as he loved Her — great and small. 

And apparently this also covered one of Her fallen children. He wanted to think that Aziraphale hadn't actually meant it _that_ way, because then it wouldn't be tearing this bottomless hole of utter despair in his chest that he couldn't say it back. 

He could say he loved Earth, the humans, their ingenious ways, but he couldn't look at his best friend and think, let alone _say_ it. 

Lifting his head, he looked at the familiar building, the familiar doorway. He could either leave and find a hole to crawl into, the memory of how he'd run out after hurting Aziraphale burned into his retinas, or he could demon up and apologise. Not that apologising was a demon thing to do. 

But it was a Crowley thing to do, he realised. It was all good and well to tease and push boundaries, but truly hurt? That had to be what humans meant when they talked about feeling like a kicked dog. 

The rain was still pelting down. A very convenient reason for not getting out of his car, but Crowley knew it was just another excuse to put off fixing what he'd broken. 

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and climbed out of the Bentley, drenched within the first few feet. He threw the doors to the bookshop open, nearly falling through them. 

Aziraphale was returning from the back room, a cup of hot chocolate in one hand. Crowley could smell it in the air, sweet and familiar. The angel looked at him, eyes wide, opening his mouth to say something, but Crowley was faster. He closed the distance between them in three long strides, throwing his arms around Aziraphale and burying his face against his neck. 

"Crowley, dearest, wha-?" Aziraphale broke off when Crowley tightened his arms around him, probably just this side of uncomfortably tight. 

If the smell of hot chocolate, now dropped onto the floor, had been familiar, this was even better. Even as Crowley muttered apology after apology into the warm skin, he couldn't help but hone in on every little detail as he breathed in. 

He hadn't been lying when he had said that he knew what Aziraphale smelled like. There was always a kind of ozone smell to any angel, like the charged air after a thunderstorm. Normally this was a smell that most demons didn't like, and Crowley wasn't an exception. But there was something different to the smell when it came to Aziraphale. Where with others it was sharp and intrusive; on Aziraphale it was tempered with the scent of nature, of grass, and summer sun on dew covered meadows. 

Perhaps it helped that the smell was also infused with old books, ancient paper, dust, and old ink. For the fact that Crowley still couldn't get anything but apologies over his lips, he felt less frantic as he held onto the angel. 

Aziraphale shivered and Crowley realised he was cold and wet and probably not making it better by hugging Aziraphale. "I'm sorry," he said, pulling back, but Aziraphale caught his shoulders, studying him with a serious expression. 

"Crowley, whatever—" 

Crowley buried his fingers in Aziraphale's waistcoat and leaned in, pressing his lips to the angel's, trying to convey the one thing he couldn't say. And inside of him, something broke. Nothing major, but a little piece of what was keeping the rest of the flutters hidden. 

He hadn't expected the noise that escaped Aziraphale. Somewhere between a moan and a squeak. Nor had he expected to be held steady and kissed back so deeply the world around him didn't matter anymore. 

When Aziraphale eventually pulled back, he looked a little shocked, his cheeks blazingly hot, lips temptingly red and kiss-swollen. 

"I'm sorry, dear, but one could get mixed signals from you." He put a finger against Crowley's lips when he opened his mouth to apologise again. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
  
#confused_angel_is_confused 03:32 PM, November 25th 2019  41  210 

For a moment, all Crowley could focus on was the feeling of that finger against his lips. The same lips he'd just had pressed against Aziraphale's. And the angel hadn't pushed him away, had he? 

"Oh my," Aziraphale breathed, moving his finger from Crowley's lips, lifting both hands and brushing lightly over Crowley's shoulders, drying him off instantly. 

"Ngk," Crowley managed, feeling the rush of power run through him like being hit with a warm sunbeam on a cold winter's day. 

Aziraphale frowned and brushed a thumb against Crowley's cheek. "I think perhaps we should go have a seat and talk for a moment." 

  


Crowley tried not to panic, but apparently Aziraphale was quite skilled in reading him these days. 

"Oh! Don't worry, darling." He leaned in and brushed his lips over the same spot he'd just touched. "I am not going to push you to talk about something that very obviously upsets you, but I need to know what might set it off — I do not like seeing you hurt one bit, I have to admit." 

"I'm sor—" Crowley began, but Aziraphale swallowed the rest with a soft, decidedly chaste kiss. [3]

"Hush, stop apologising. You have _nothing_ to apologise for." He pressed another soft kiss to the corner of Crowley's mouth. 

Feeling rather dazed, Crowley let himself be led into the backroom and onto the familiar couch. He let Aziraphale push him down into it and watched as the angel snapped his fingers, a tray with two cups of one of the few teas Crowley truly enjoyed appearing from thin air. 

He took the proffered cup and folded both hands around it, not because he was afraid of dropping it, but because it would keep his hands busy, rather than needily reaching out for Aziraphale. 

Apparently, Aziraphale had other ideas. His own cup in hand, he sat down next to Crowley and leaned into his side. Normally, Crowley would sprawl on the couch and Aziraphale would sit in his chair — but this was infinitely better. 

Crowley expected Aziraphale to pursue the conversation, but instead he just sighed and kicked his shoes off to pull his feet on the couch, curling up against Crowley. Not saying anything, just patiently waiting for Crowley. 

Which made Crowley’s chest ache. 

Aziraphale was _oh_ so _comfortable_ and _inviting_ , his body heat almost a physical manifestation to Crowley, who, while not as cold as one would think a reptile to be, did not generate this sort of invitation-to-nap warmth. If not for the out of control thoughts in his head, he would have closed his eyes and drifted off. And those thoughts were thoroughly derailed for a while when Crowley realised that he was, for all intents and purposes, on the couch cuddling with Aziraphale. He took a sip of his tea and felt the heat warming him from the inside. 

He couldn't help but catalogue every little detail of that very moment. The couch, the angel plastered against his side, the familiar scent of old books and dusty corners. The way his heart seemed to have difficulty with at what speed to beat. Faster-faster-faster because this was what he'd wanted, for Aziraphale to welcome his advances. Slower-slower-slower because he was safe, cherished and ...loved. The serpent in him wanted nothing more than to curl up in an angelic lap to be pampered for the rest of eternity. 

Sure, kissing Aziraphale had been amazing, but it had been tainted by his own panic. But sitting like this? It gave the whole moment a certain calm. Not that Crowley didn't feel like he was a raging, stormy sea beneath that calm, but for the time being, calm was at the wheel while raging was in the backset. 

Crowley closed his eyes and drew a deep, steadying breath. He allowed himself to take comfort in the weight of Aziraphale's body leaning against his. The soft, almost fluffy, feel of Aziraphale's hair against his neck and cheek as the angel tilted his head and rested it on Crowley's shoulder made Crowley think of down and wool. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Cuddling on the couch with Beloved FTW  
😇😈  
#cuddling_on_th_couch #DarlingDemon 03:44 PM, November 25th 2019  58  228 

Another flutter in Crowley's chest begged for his attention, weaving out of the stronghold where he'd always carefully shoved that feeling. It sat there like a small fledgeling trembling before its first flight, before it stilled again. Crowley swallowed hard and felt like he should be chasing after it. He opened his mouth, then shut it. He'd been about to apologise again which Aziraphale had told him not to do. No, he had to. It had to begin with that. 

"I shouldn't have run out on you like that," Crowley said slowly. There, apology without saying the word 'sorry'. [4]

  


Aziraphale urged him to lean back on the couch and slipped his arm around Crowley's shoulders, holding him, not too tightly, but with enough strength that Crowley felt like the angel was capable of snapping him in two if he wanted. Knowing the strength of demons and being aware of the fact that they were cut from the same cloth, Crowley didn’t doubt that he could. 

"And I am sorry for springing it on you like that," Aziraphale said quietly, resting his head on Crowley's shoulder, close enough that Crowley could feel the heat from his breath against his skin. It was, perhaps, another little thing that chipped away at the defenses he kept around his feelings for Aziraphale. "I have been trying not to say it for... for a while," he admitted. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a warped performance of Romeo and Juliet (not Will's greatest, but I digress) and not the great romance people see it as - please learn the meaning of 'tragedy'. 03:46 PM, November 25th 2019  58  198 

Crowley frowned. "For a while?" 

"Well, yes," Aziraphale mumbled, "not important, but since we stopped working for our respective sides, I've felt... a little more daring. Like perhaps, I can allow myself to have this, your friendship, and even, maybe, let you know of my reverence for you." Aziraphale huffed, sounding a little put out. "No, not reverence, I'm done calling it something that doesn't cover it." 

Crowley stiffened in his seat. Oh no, he was going to say it again, and Crowley couldn't for all that was unholy say it back. The words were stuck in his throat, making it hard to breathe. 

"Oh no, I did it again," Aziraphale said, distress evident in his voice. 

  


Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
When you say 'I love you' and your #DarlingDemon panics 😭 03:47 PM, November 25th 2019  79  231 

Crowley vaguely realised that Aziraphale had taken the cup from him and put it aside, and then pulled him into his arms. So very warm, so perfectly a fit, like a bespoke suit, Aziraphale's body seemed to be perfectly tailored to fit his own. It only frustrated him more that he struggled to say this, to put words to how he felt about Aziraphale. 

Closing his eyes, he let Aziraphale hold him, silently admitting defeat, knowing full well why he hadn't been able to say or think it in the past. But he should be able to do it now, shouldn't he? Because it was how he felt, wasn't it? If he could just get it out! 

Instead, he was sitting on the couch, unable to act and say what he wanted, Aziraphale rocking him like he was a frightened child after a nightmare. His scent in Crowley's nostrils, the firm pressure of his thigh against Crowley's own. So much unexpected comfort it nearly brought him to tears. 

"Crowley, please," Aziraphale said softly, squeezing him tightly enough to make Crowley relax a little. "If I can't say it without hurting you," he muttered, lips pressed to Crowley's temple, "then we'll find another way." He went still. His hands on Crowley's back and shoulders stopped moving, they just lay there. "Unless you don't..." he trailed off. 

If the thought of Aziraphale saying it again made Crowley panic, the mere insinuation that he'd never hear it again, and Aziraphale thinking that he wouldn't _want_ to hear it again, made Crowley clutch at Aziraphale's waistcoat like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood. And if Aziraphale was thinking that perhaps Crowley didn't feel the same way?! He really was the worst at this. 

"No," he finally managed to get out. "It's not your fault that I'm—" he stopped, the word ‘broken’ almost tumbling from his lips. He wasn't broken. A demon wasn't supposed to feel love, so he was working properly — for a demon. 

Inside Crowley's chest something squeezed painfully. No, he had to be able to, or he wouldn't have fought so hard to keep it hidden ever since the Garden. 

Aziraphale kissed the shell of Crowley's ear, softly. "Take your time — we have all the time in the world," he whispered. 

* * *

Crowley should have known that they really didn't have all the time in the world. Or maybe they would have, eventually, if Heaven and Hell hadn't suddenly tried to get back into their lives. 

For a while, Crowley just drifted around London, doing small things, mostly mischief in general. His heart wasn't really in it, but it was something to do while he tried to get used to his new life. And the changes he'd wanted in his relationship with Aziraphale. 

It wasn't everything he wanted, because while Aziraphale still tried to make him understand that it was alright that Crowley couldn't seem to confess his feelings to him without sweating and stammering, Crowley disagreed. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
#DarlingDemon #emotional_tempest 02:23 PM, December 2nd 2019  49  198 

They still went to dinner, more often than before. The dining had never been high on Crowley's list of favourite things, but he did enjoy watching Aziraphale take delight in the food. He stuck to his drinks and coffee. 

When he watched Aziraphale now, of course, it was no longer necessary for him to hide the fact that he _was_ staring at him. That he _was_ enjoying the show. The first couple of times he had to fight hard to remember this. To remind himself that he could watch Aziraphale's lips close around a cake fork, enjoy and savour the small moan that would inadvertently escape the angel. And that it was alright that Aziraphale knew and occasionally played it up, coy looks in Crowley's direction and a brush of the tip of his shoes against Crowley's ankle. 

When they were back at the bookshop — or occasionally at Crowley's flat, seeing as the plants did need watering — they no longer sat apart. The cosiest, to Crowley, was the back room of the bookstore, the both of them on the couch with barely any space between them, arms around each other, legs entwined. More often than not, Aziraphale would be running his hands through Crowley's hair, the movement almost hypnotic to the demon. [5]

He'd even tried it the other way around one afternoon, and the noises this had drawn from Aziraphale's lightly parted lips would have made Crowley fall if he hadn't already. It had also caused the usual soft kisses to grow harder and more demanding, wetter and more enticing to Crowley than he could have ever imagined. 

It didn't summon that one blessed word, though. 

Pushing aside thoughts of what he couldn't do in favour of what he could, Crowley considered his usual mischievous ways. The mischief Crowley would cause barely registered as a whole. At least until he realized that what he wanted to do wasn't just the same old stuff he'd done for Hell. It had been a job and, perhaps, once, could have been considered a calling. [6]

He hadn't even considered how down he was feeling until he'd decided to get a cup of coffee while he was looking for things to upset in general. He'd been in the queue for about half a minute when he realized that it would take all day if he didn't do something about the idiot currently ordering. 

It wasn't that Crowley hadn't caused this kind of rucus when he'd worked for Hell. Getting people all good and annoyed tended to make his job easier. But at the moment it was just a nuisance to him. He just wanted a cup of coffee before he went back to Aziraphale's place. It seemed that no matter where he drifted to in London, he'd always end up back at the Bookshop. 

Now, the idiot at the front of the queue was being an utter arse to the barista, though she seemed to be handling it like a pro. Crowley watched for a moment as the young girl manning the till squared her shoulders and took the verbal abuse of the arse she was serving. 

He watched the guy as he turned around and more or less stormed out of the shop, a cup of coffee in hand. Crowley took a deep breath and a little demonic miracle took flight and seeded in the asshole's soul. As a wise man once had said, 'poison would go, where poison was welcome. 

Halitosis was such a horrible thing to suffer from, and this one was going to be a doozy. As an afterthought, because he felt he'd not been wreaking enough demonic havoc lately, he made sure that there'd be a parking ticket under the windscreen wiper of the guy's car as well. One that, no matter how many times he threw it out, would always rematerialise. Wouldn't go away until it was paid - late fees and all. 

He hadn't expected to feel so good about it, though. Like he'd done a good thing, almost like he remembered it being when he'd done miracles on behalf of Aziraphale as part of their arrangement. 

For once, Crowley even paid for his coffee, rather than making the barista think he didn't need to. She, in turn, looked searchingly at him, like she was aware he'd done something involving the bastard customer. Crowley merely gave her his best smile, declined a customer loyalty card and tapped his credit card on the terminal to make his payment. 

Leaving the coffee shop, he walked down the street, wondering about how it had felt. Was that, he wondered, thwarting? Was that how an angel felt in that case? Fair enough, an angel probably wouldn't have made the coffee cup explode in the guy's face, but as a whole? [7]

He'd have to ask Aziraphale about that. Turning another corner, Crowley headed into Soho. And this was where the Heaven and Hell business reared its ugly head again. 

Crowley whistled a bit of Good Oldfashioned Loverboy as he weaved between Londonners and tourists alike. Right until someone blocked his path. He knew it wasn't a human as his demonic nature naturally buffered them out of his way. 

He sneered. 

And this one had a stench to them. A real stinker. 

The ozone of a heavenly creature always made Crowley's nose itch. He was lucky that Aziraphale had been on Earth for so long that his was merely a pleasant sub-scent. This one had nothing redeeming to Crowley's nose. He sneezed. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Nothing quite like your Beloved sniffing your neck and making happy noises.  
#this_is_life #in_love #on_our_own_side #cuddling #DarlingDemon 02:51 PM, December 2nd 2019  61  279 

Damned angels. 

"What do you want?" he asked the angel. It wasn't one he knew. Just a generic, pretty androgenous thing. They didn't run, though, he had to give them that. 

"I was tasked with making you an offer, demon," the angel said, looking a little ill at ease. 

Good. 

"An offer? From Heaven?" Crowley stared at him in disbelief. 

"The head office feels you would make a good agent for us on Earth," the angel said, not sounding all that convinced. "I was tasked with offering you—" 

"Hold it right there," Crowley said. "I'm a demon. I don't get to go back into Heaven's good graces." 

"I was asked to tell you that your partner is being taken into consideration as well." 

Crowley had the uncanny feeling that the feather-brain was dangling an ice bucket over his head while speaking and upon mentioning _Crowley's_ angel, had proceeded to drop its contents on him. 

Before he was even aware of it, he had the angel up against the nearest wall, menace dripping from every word as he spoke. [8] "You can tell your arsehole superiors that they are to stay away from Aziraphale. Or I'll make sure that they get their own private Armageddon." He let the angel go, who by now looked more than just ill at ease. 

Good. Put the fear of Crowley in them. 

The angel was gone from one moment to the next and Crowley dropped his coffee in the nearest bin, all but running the few streets to the bookshop. 

The doors to the shop were locked which wasn't all that odd. Most days Aziraphale would keep them closed. [9]

Of course, a locked door would not stop Crowley, and at that moment, more than ever, he was sure that Aziraphale wouldn't mind him just barging in. Not that he had time to worry about something like that. 

When Crowley entered, he couldn't find Aziraphale right away. That wasn't unusual, either. The angel sometimes got so focused on his books that he wouldn't notice Crowley at first — which Crowley found to be a major problem. If anyone could get that close to Aziraphale without him noticing, they could hurt him a lot before he would even consider fighting back. [10]

The thought of anyone harming Aziraphale caused a tightening in Crowley's chest. He wouldn't allow that. And if Heaven had approached him... 

"In the back room, dear," Aziraphale's voice drifted through to the front. 

Crowley let out a sigh of relief and headed in that direction. He needed to see with his own eyes that everything was alright. 

However, when he came into the back he stopped and sniffed. Sulphur. 

"Angel?" he asked quietly. It seemed he wasn't the only one approached. 

Aziraphale was sitting on the couch, a troubled look on his face. 

"You would tell me if something out of the ordinary happened, wouldn't you?" Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley stared at him, then took his sunglasses off, slipping into the seat next to him. "What happened?" 

"I mean, I know we said _our_ side and all, but you _would_ tell me if you... " Aziraphale bit his lower lip. 

"Angel, spit it out," Crowley said, forcing himself to not start panicking. Something had obviously happened while he'd been out. 

"I had a visitor." 

"I can smell that," Crowley said, wrinkling his nose. 

"They were, I think, trying to make me an offer," Aziraphale said, slowly. [11]

Before Crowley could share his own encounter, Aziraphale took his hand, holding it tightly. "They said they wanted us both on their side — and that you'd already agreed." 

Crowley felt a jolt in the pit of his stomach. They hadn't approach him — at least not yet, but Aziraphale had to know, didn't he? That Crowley wasn't going back to Hell under any circumstances. 

"Demons lie," he said. 

"You don't," Aziraphale said, taking a deep breath. 

"I do," Crowley argued, "just not to you." 

"Oh." Aziraphale's worried expression softened somewhat. 

"Have I ever given you the impression that I put Hell above you?" Crowley asked softly. It wasn't quite that four letter word he couldn't say, but he had to somehow convey it to Aziraphale that Hell had not rated above the angel since possibly that fateful day on the wall of the Garden. 

Something seemed to break in Aziraphale and suddenly he was kissing Crowley, hands framing his face, lips slightly chapped as they were pressed against Crowley's. The tenderness of it was like a punch to the gut and he was at a loss figuring out what to do with it, how to react. He curled his fingers into Aziraphale's shirtsleeves and hung on. It wasn't that they hadn't kissed since Crowley had so desperately initiated it, but this was almost painfully soft and with little to no hint of lust. Just a soft, appreciative kiss. 

"What was that for?" Crowley managed to ask when Aziraphale pulled back. If he'd needed oxygen he'd have likened it to all of it having been sucked out of the room; he felt breathless and spread open for the world to see. Or at least for Aziraphale to see. 

Aziraphale, hands still on Crowley's face, one thumb stroking his cheek almost absentmindedly, smiled. "I had a moment of doubt, of weakness — I almost believed them." 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
This is more drama than Will could have ever come up with!  
#hellish_visitors #DarlingDemon #more_drama_than_shakespeare 03:09 PM, December 2nd 2019  98  284 

Crowley sighed. "I wouldn't — I want my freedom." To be with you, he didn't add. 

The look in Aziraphale's eyes told him those words had been heard loud and clear, though. He ducked his head, feeling like something in his chest expanded. 

"Oh!" Crowley suddenly remembered that he'd had his own little run-in with a head office flunkie. "I had a similar thing happen on my way here," he said. 

"Are you alright?" Aziraphale asked, pushing one hand into Crowley's hair, cupping the back of his head. 

Crowley swallowed hard. He had no prior skill when it came to dealing with this level of... caring. He nodded a little. "Yes. It was just some generic angel telling me that we were both recruitment material." 

"And they didn't do anything to you?" Aziraphale's grip on the back of his head tightened a little. His eyes were darker than normal and Crowley was reminded that this was the Guardian of the Eastern Gate. He may have his softness and weaknesses when it came to certain things, but he was by no means without power, and the mere thought that this power could be wielded as a defence for Crowley... [12]

Crowley pushed back into the touch. It was... nice; it felt _good_. "It was just an offer." He tangled his fingers in Aziraphale's and tugged him forward. This kind of reaction was quickly becoming a bit of a turn on for him. 

"Which you turned down," Azirapale said, eyes slipping down to Crowley's mouth for a moment, then back up. 

"If they want an angel, they have to find another one," Crowley said with a grin, feeling a lot better about the whole thing. "You're mine and I'm not sharing." 

Aziraphale looked torn between melting and devouring Crowley alive, and Crowley would be lying if he claimed that it wasn't just a turn on, but also gratifying beyond words. His imagination was working a mile a minute coming up with all sorts of ideas as to how this could all be turned into pure pleasure. 

"They said they wanted us both," Crowley said, licking his lips as he watched Aziraphale's eyes darken. 

"Well, I may take a page out of your book, my dear; if Heaven wants a demon, they can find someone else. You—" Aziraphale closed the distance between them and kissed Crowley quick and hard, "belong to me." 

Crowley lost all thought for a moment. He hadn't felt the urge to say that one sentence, to proclaim his... his feelings for Aziraphale, but the word stuck in his throat, and rather than face it, he reeled Aziraphale back in, chasing the kiss, nipping softly at the corner of his mouth. 

And Aziraphale let him, didn't push the issue. Rather, he welcomed him in, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. It felt a lot like coming home, like running for shelter in the rain and making it into that safe place where the air was warm and dry, where one was cared for and wanted. 

Crowley was almost ashamed when the thought crossed his mind. Aziraphale seemed to let him go at his own speed here, while Crowley's imagination kept coming up with more and more outrageous ideas as to what he could get Aziraphale to do for him, do _to_ him. He wondered if he could get him to hold him down on the bed, suspended, unable to move. And if Aziraphale would use the firm Guardian of the Eastern Gate voice on him. The one that accepted no argument and could possibly bent steel to its owner's will. Maybe he'd bend Crowley to his will like a malleable piece of metal as well. [13]

Before, he would have been hesitant about those thoughts. However, Aziraphale kept surprising him. He wondered if anything he could come up with would surprise the angel, or make him say no. 

Crowley had to admit he was quite looking forward to finding that out. 

Of course it was stupid to think that Heaven and Hell would back off. Crowley knew that, should have seen it coming. He just hadn't expected the next envoy. 

He'd taken to strolling through the park on his own, on the days where Aziraphale couldn't be tempted into joining him. It was nice, and he was beginning to see opportunities where they arose. Mostly he'd cause some low key mischief, but he'd figured out that if he could make it troublesome for some arsehole that it was twice the fun. It wasn't quite good deeds, but nor were they quite wicked trouble. 

The next encounter did take him by surprise, in the middle of St. James' park. He'd only just made a duck hunt a dog down the path just for the hell of it. The ducks tended to be amenable. They took their bribes in bread quite happily. 

Crowley sniggered as he watched the dog that had been barking its head off at the ducks a moment ago turn tail and run as fast as its short legs would carry it, an outraged duck chasing after it, furiously quacking and flapping its wings. [14]

As Crowley turned around, he came to a full stop, his fight or flight response making him widen his stance. 

"Michael," he greeted. He pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow. It always worked better when an attitude was involved with this one. 

"Demon," Michael replied, as aloof and stuck up as always. Then there was a subtle shift and it was almost like a sour expression on the archangel's face. "I am here to bring you joyous news," she told him. 

Crowley snorted. "I think we both know I care little for what you'd consider joyous," he said carefully. This wasn't some low level clerk, this was high up. 

It definitely earned him the look as if Michael had bitten into an unripe lemon. Crowley quite liked causing that look on the face of an archangel. He knew from Aziraphale that Michael had been the one to bring holy water into hell for his trial. 

"You may rejoice, demon, you are given a chance that none before you have ever received." She held her hands out to the side, eyes alight with heavenly light. 

Crowley hoped the idiot was making sure half of the park wasn't witnessing that. Judging from people ignoring them he knew they weren't. So Michael was at least making this show for his eyes only. 

Lucky him. 

"You have been chosen to aid Heaven in its work, you and your partner will be allowed back into Heaven's good graces, with all the benefits this brings. The Principality Aziraphale will be back in the fold before the next End of Days." 

Crowley felt a chill run down his spine. Well, if they were hidden, he wasn't going to hold back either. He allowed his more snake-like features to show, took his glasses off and with the utmost contempt, sized Michael up, letting his eyes roam from shoes to hair and back down, knowing full well how rude that was. He let his fangs grow enough to show and sneered at the archangel. 

"You can just fuck off, you angelic wanker," Crowley told her. "You're a simple nuisance to me, but if you come anywhere near Aziraphale, I'll personally rip your fucking wings off. You are not even fit to kneel at his feet!" [15]

Cracking his neck, he didn't break eye contact with the rather surprised looking Michael. Then he licked one fang just to show them off, put his sunglasses back on and turned on his heels, marching out of the park towards his Bentley. 

The whole walk made him feel like he had a bullseye painted on his back, but he was in his car and speeding towards the bookshop without any heavenly interference. 

The car was parked more haphazardly than usual, and Crowley hurried to the shop and through the doors. In fact, he nearly bowled Hastur over. 

"What the heavens are you doing here, you arsehole?" Crowley asked. Then he realized that there was a nervousness to Hastur he'd never seen before. 

Hastur made a noise somewhere between a squawk and curse. From behind him, Crowley heard the sweetest voice ever — cold as ice and furious as, well, hell. 

"Remember what I said, Hastur, he is not yours anymore. And _I_ never will be." 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Mine, all mine!  
#never_give_up_never_surrender #on_our_own_side #DarlingDemon 11:53 AM, December 9th 2019  83  298 

"Hah!" Crowley crowed as he shoved a surprised looking Hastur out the door and slammed it shut behind him. 

"Aziraphale!" Crowley grinned widely. This was even better than his run-in with Michael. Sure, he was worried because he’d rather Heaven and Hell stayed away, but coming back to Aziraphale more or less throwing Hastur out on his arse? 

Priceless. 

"Crowley," Aziraphale managed to say, while trying to tug his waistcoat down in a show of annoyance. That was as far as he got before Crowley backed him up against the nearest bookshelf and proceeded to kiss him into next week. 

"Crowley, my dear, ah!" Aziraphale's fingers dug into Crowley's hip, almost painfully. Crowley grinned against Aziraphale's neck where he was busy biting and licking the skin just above that damned tartan collar. He slid his hands down to cup Aziraphale's plump bottom, kneading and squeezing just to hear the soft muttered exclamations escaping Aziraphale. 

"You wicked thing," Aziraphale gasped. "What brought this on?" 

"Tell you later, busy right now," Crowley told him, pushing him back enough to claim his lips again. He had no words to explain to Aziraphale what it felt like to hear himself defended with such fierceness. And against a duke of hell, no less. 

Eventually, while curled up on the couch with Aziraphale absentmindedly petting his hair, Crowley remembered his own little run-in with Michael. 

"I ran into Michael in the park today," he said. 

Aziraphale's hand slowed to an almost stop, then he scratched his fingers over Crowley's scalp. 

Crowley shivered. Now _that_ felt really good. He pushed his hand up under Aziraphale's shirt, feeling the quick intake of breath more than hearing it. He put his palm flat against Aziraphale's abdomen, the heat nothing like the dry heat of Jerusalem in the summer or the overpowering hot-wet of Roman bathhouses. It was comfortable and the kind that made Crowley want to curl up against Aziraphale and sleep for another century. He sniffed and smiled to himself. Somehow the angel often managed to have that fresh laundry smell that made Crowley want to rub his face all over him. Like one would do with a freshly laundered pillow. 

"It's always as if they are trying to catch us when we're at our most vulnerable — when we're alone," Aziraphale said, softly, carefully. He skimmed his other hand up along Crowley's chest, leaving a trail of heat through Crowley's thin shirt. 

Crowley wanted to open his mouth and suggest he stay with Aziraphale all the time, but he couldn't find the right words. 

Turned out, he didn't really have to. 

"Please stop me if you think this is silly," Aziraphale said quietly. "I won't take it personally if you say no. But I think perhaps it would be wise if we stick together for the foreseeable future." 

"Yes," Crowley agreed, almost before Aziraphale had finished his sentence. A weight lifted from his chest. He'd wanted to suggest this, but while hanging out almost every day was one thing, seeing each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week was a whole other. Who knew when they'd get another visit from Heaven or Hell. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
Asked #DarlingDemon to move in with me today! He said yes!  
#life_is_beautiful #on_our_own_side 11:59 AM, December 9th 2019  91  304 

"You should give it some thought," Aziraphale admonished. 

"I have," Crowley argued. 

"I know you're in a bit of a shock, probably, from running into Michael," Aziraphale began. 

"I would fight Heaven _and_ Hell for you, angel." Crowley pressed his fingers into Aziraphale's skin, feeling the reality in it, the moment. 

Aziraphale shuddered a little, and Crowley lifted his head to meet his eyes. He realised they were wide and damp with unshed tears. "And you feel like you fail when you can't say the words. That you love me? You silly thing, you tell me that with every kindness you show me, every touch you bestow upon me and more than anything, when you stand by my side, no matter what we face." 

Crowley had no idea what he could even say, so he buried his face against Aziraphale's neck again, that carefully and heavily guarded place inside loosening just a little bit more. He wanted to ask Aziraphale to not say such things, but each word was like a small, delicate morsel being fed to a starving man. Each little nibble begged for the next, until the gourmet bites became a buffet of sentences, one by one wrapping themselves around his heart. 

Of course, hoping that Michael and Hastur were the last they'd see of Heaven and Hell would be foolish. Less than a week later it all came to a head. 

Since Michael had accosted Crowley in the park and Hastur had tried to convert Aziraphale, they'd barely left each other's side. 

Crowley wasn't going to complain. He may have been worried, initially, about their relationship growing too familiar when both of them were so used to being on their own. But he'd found, to his delight, that staying with Aziraphale was no hardship. One of Crowley's favourite sins had always been sloth, and he was allowed to spread out on Aziraphale's couch as much as he saw fit, quite often with his head in the angel's lap while he was reading. 

And quite a few of these quiet moments turned into cuddling sessions, which would then, in turn, become heavy makeout sessions. 

No, Crowley was not going to complain. This fine afternoon, Aziraphale was mapping some unknown constellations on Crowley's bare chest — with his tongue. It wasn't quite unbearable yet, but Crowley was beginning to understand that being like this with Aziraphale was teaching him an incredible amount of patience. And that the journey was the most important part — not the end goal. 

Sometimes they'd end up in bed and sex would happen, but just as often it stayed like this for ages, the teasing, the touching, the worshipping. And speaking of worshipping, Crowley needed to get some nakedness happening there. 

Shifting them around on the couch, he swallowed the complaint from Aziraphale's lips and pressed him into the soft cushions. "My turn," he mumbled, unbuttoning Aziraphale's shirt, pushing it open and leaning down to rub his face against flushed skin. 

It never failed to entice him. Crowley would never tire of the fascination he had with their differences in appearance. Where he was skinny and all sharp edges and corners, hipbones angular and pronounced, Aziraphale was more comfortably built — and, aided by his personality, would always come off as being soft and inviting. 

Crowley set to the task of enjoying every little difference. He nosed at soft skin with the pale white hairs, the beginning of an almost invisible treasure trail that vanished under Aziraphale's waistband. The hair was so pale that Crowley had only recently realised it was there at all. The fine hairs against his tongue had been quite a revelation. It had been his excuse even if it had made Aziraphale laugh out loud — and Crowley had to check if the laughter tasted differently as well. He nosed his way along the waistband, feeling the soft hair tickling his nose. 

Aziraphale was holding his breath at first, Crowley could tell. They didn't need to breathe, but Crowley had learned that Aziraphale had taken to it quite early on, and any change in breathing was a new discovery. The way it hitched when he bit into the soft flesh above Aziraphale's hip or when he nipped at the softness of his stomach. [16]

Though initially, Aziraphale would always hold his breath, it seemed. Like he wasn't quite okay with Crowley touching him there. This, of course, just gave Crowley a goal to work towards. He loved the softness of Aziraphale, both physically and personality-wise. It wasn't that Aziraphale couldn't be stern, but to Crowley he was nothing but inviting. He could not fathom that Aziraphale couldn't see this as a strength rather than a disadvantage. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
My love is so good to me.  
#body_positivity #DarlingDemon 02:21 PM, January 15th 2020  109  391 

His own shirt was somewhere on the floor and Aziraphale's was hanging halfway off his shoulders. Crowley undid the angel’s trousers, feeling him suck in his gut in reaction and the fingers in Crowley's hair tightened. 

"Easy, angel," he mumbled, lips against the soft skin. 

A crackle interrupted, a scent of sulfur as well as the raw intake of breath and the fresh ozone scent of Heaven. 

"Oh my," a familiar voice broke the silence. 

"Urgh, what in all that'zzz unholy izzz _thizzz_?" And yet another familiar voice. 

  


Crowley felt Aziraphale go still under him, and when he slowly lifted his head and turned it, he stared at not one, but two intruders. 

"What exactly are you doing in my home?" Aziraphale asked, hand still buried in Crowley's hair. 

What Crowley heard, and probably Gabriel and Beelzebub as well, wasn't the word 'home'. It was far too charged. Domain. Dominion was more like it. Fortress even. And Crowley really wished those two would go away, because like that, cradled in the vee of Aziraphale's legs, so close together, he could feel the sheer power and annoyance coming off Aziraphale in waves. 

So could the two idiots, it seemed, as both took a step back, nearly walking into each other. 

"Um, yes, well," Gabriel tried. He drew a deep, unnecessary breath and let it out slowly. "I wish to... congratulate you on your... fornication?" 

Crowley blinked in surprise, once, twice. "Aren't you supposed to call it a 'union'?" he asked. He sighed a little as Aziraphale scratched his scalp lightly. 

"Whatever it izzz," Beelzebub interjected, annoyance clear in their voice, "it'zzz what I'm here to talk to you about." 

"Me too!" Gabriel said, eyeing Beelzebub with annoyance. 

"Look, you two," Crowley said, feeling entirely thwarted by these two idiots turning up during a moment where he had Aziraphale exactly where he wanted him. He got to his feet, feeling his angel reluctantly letting go of him. 

"We don't want what you're selling," he said, enunciating each word carefully, just to make sure they wouldn't misunderstand him. "I'm not going back to Heaven, Gabriel, and I'm certainly not returning to Hell either," he added pointedly when he could tell from Beelzebub's demeanor that they seemed to think he'd ever choose that. 

"I don't care if you want us both to join one of your sides, because you were the reason why we couldn't have _this_ ," he gestured between himself and Aziraphale, "and I'm not going back to how it was." 

"We would allow you," Beelzebub began, but Crowley was fed up with this. 

"No, I don't care!" Crowley gestured wildly. "Before this you were always in the way. Just because you want what we are doesn't mean we'll just fall in line." 

Gabriel turned to Aziraphale, a slightly confused look on his face. "Is this how you feel, or has the demon finally—" 

"Do not finish that sentence, Gabriel," Aziraphale said quietly. He was standing now as well, his shirt buttoned halfway back up. 

A shame, if you asked Crowley. 

"I've chosen Crowley above you. Yes, you. Not my love and faith for the Almighty, which is the unshakable foundation of our existence. But your lack of true Heavenly decorum means nothing to me compared to Crowley? He gives my life meaning. He gives life meaning on Earth. Humans were once given a choice because of his temptation — the freedom to choose." Azirahale took a step forward to stand by Crowley's side. "And I choose to stay here, because I love him." 

Crowley felt like he was melting into the floorboards at the same time as he was sure he could leap a 10 floor building in a single leap, and take on the army of Hell. It broke another of his carefully layered defences. 

"How doezzz that even work?" spat Beelzebub. "A demon can never love you back, Prinzzzzzziipality Aziraphale." [17]

"She has you there," Gabriel agreed, shooting them a pitying look. 

Crowley knew Aziraphale was going to argue with them, but this would be his part of the fight, too. "Shut up!" he demanded, straightening up and glaring at Beelzebub. "What do you even know about love?" He turned his attention to Gabriel. "Either of you?" Crowley pulled his lips back in a mirthless smile. 

"I'm an angel," Gabriel said, confusion evident in his voice. "I am a being of love." 

"A watered down kind of love," Crowley snarled back. "You use the word but you've forgotten what it means, what it does, how strong it makes people. It raises armies and builds worlds, and it brings the strongest people to their knees. Doesn't matter if they're peasants or emperors!" 

Both Gabriel and Beelzebub seemed to take a step back, this time bumping against each other. 

"We don't want to be part of either of your sides. We like it here, we like being _us_." Crowley felt his chest tight and ready to burst. "And it doesn't matter that he's an angel, and I'm a demon, all that matters is that I love him and neither of you will ever be able to change that!" 

There was a moment where Crowley felt like a void was staring back at him. "And get out, you wankers, you're ruining everything as per usual!" 

There was a rush of _something_ behind him and Aziaraphale was at his side, back straight and face serene. He took Crowley's hand and squeezed it. "I believe you have your answers," he said to Gabriel and Beelzebub. He waved his hand and the door to the bookshop unlocked and flew open. 

Crowley felt like he could take on the armies of the world, or even Heaven and Hell, on his own, if he'd had to. And his chest felt like it was going to burst with the surity that although he could, he would not have to stand alone, ever again. He held up his free hand flat in front of his mouth and blew — a small controlled storm blasting their unwanted visitors out the door — not touching a book, nor a sheet of paper. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
🎵//Listening to 'Holding out for a hero'//🎵  
#DarlingDemon #on_our_own_side 02:29 PM, January 15th 2020  114  351 

Aziraphale snapped his fingers and the doors slammed shut again — locking. 

Crowley was still breathing hard. Damn it, he didn't need the air, but it felt so good, like it made his chest grow a size, making room for the feelings currently swirling around. He wasn't given much time to readjust to it, though. 

Aziraphale grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around to face him. His eyes were wide and he looked like he was about to cry. "Love. You said love, you defended us," he said, claiming Crowley's mouth with a fierceness that Crowley didn't expect. 

  


Grasping at Azirahale's hips, Crowley could do little else than hang on and try to meet Aziraphale halfway. His chest felt raw on the inside, like he'd been cracked open and fresh air and sunlight had been let in. 

When they finally parted enough for Crowley to look Aziraphale in the eye, the tears were gone, replaced by heat. Crowley reached up and touched Aziraphale's cheek, just a finger to the skin under his eye. 

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Aziraphale's. "Hey, angel?" 

"Yes, dear?" Aziraphale sounded about as breathless as Crowley felt — and neither of them really needed air, so that was no mean feat. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" Crowley asked quietly, his voice barely a whisper. 

Aziraphale rubbed the tip of his nose against Crowley's. "You can tell me all the secrets you want." His voice was no louder than Crowley's had been. 

"I love you — and probably always have." Crowley made a face. "Strike that — definitely always have." 

Aziraphale looked at him softly and adoringly. "May I share a secret with you then?" he asked. 

Crowley nodded, not daring to say a word. 

"You go so fast sometimes, Crowley. Sometimes I felt like no matter how I tried to follow, I could never catch up to you." He tilted his head and pressed a chaste kiss to Crowley's lips. "I should have trusted you to wait for me. I am in awe that you did. Thank you. I love you, I know I always have, it just took a long time for me to realise it." 

Crowley felt his whole face go hot. He wanted to be glib, to tell him to shut up and kiss him again. In the end he decided against it and just tightened his grip on Aziraphale's hips, leaning forward, swallowing anything else Aziraphale might be about to say. 

Aziraphale probably knew, but he came more than willingly, matching Crowley's speed perfectly. 

* * *

**Epilogue:**

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, a couple of weeks after the trouble with Heaven and Hell, and Crowley was happy to say that they hadn't heard from either side since. He was stretched out on the couch in Aziraphale's backroom, scrolling through his twitter feed to see if there were any threads that were begging to be trolled. 

He scrolled past a tag for ducks, then back up. The ducks were always great fun, weren't they? He watched the short video and frowned. That was a familiar duck chasing a familiar dog through a very familiar park. 

Crowley wouldn't normally have thought twice about it, more than a few of his mischievous deeds had made it into social media over the years. He took great pride in them if they went viral. 

The thing that tickled his curiosity was the username **last_angelic_unicorn**. For no specific reason, he clicked the profile and stared at it for a moment. The user image was just a silly unicorn with a halo. The profile description was _the unicorn that got away_. 

Crowley shook his head and was about to leave the profile when he saw one of the recent entries. Then he checked further back in the posts. 

Last Angelic Unicorn  
@last_angelic_unicorn   
#DarlingDemon is on the couch again, looking scrumptious enough to eat 😉  
#in_love #invitation_to_sin #temptation_accomplished #on_our_own_side  
🍑 🍆 03:13 PM, February 1st 2020  95  452 

Since when? "Aziraphale!" He stared incomprehensibly at some of the emoji posts. "Aziraphale!" he yelled. Why the heaven was there an eggplant emoji in there? And a peach? 

"Oh dear," came the soft reply from behind him. 

  


**The end**

* * *

1 Aziraphale had, for it was indeed he, come across twitter quite by chance and no one had told him that he would need a browser or client or even internet access to use it. So he would simply imagine the post and it would appear. Some of the lovely replies he'd cherish and they would bolster his trust in mankind's goodness - the bad stuff on twitter never stuck to his posts, possibly due to divine interference or luck.Return to text

2 Aziraphale would beg to differ if he wasn't busy blushing at being called cute.Return to text

3 This would prove to be a potent weapon in Aziraphale's hands, though Crowley didn't mind much.Return to text

4 A technicality, really, but then again, the saying does go: "The devil is in the details".Return to text

5 Crowley's snake brain felt this was soothing, repetitive movement - and Aziraphale's hands were very warm and soothing. There were a couple of times where Crowley had considered what it might feel like if he could get Aziraphale to pet him in snakeform. He was sure it would be lovely.Return to text

6 Idle hands were, as they said 'the devil's playground' - best not risk idleness. Return to text

7 Crowley is of course right, though some angels would take smiting to an unhealthy extreme.  
Only one angel would have possibly taken delight in the same outcome as Crowley did and this was why Aziraphale and Crowley were a match made in... well, a match well made. Return to text

8 This was nothing like the time he had slammed Aziraphale up against the wall in a former convent. There was nothing of the carefulness and protectiveness that he had shown Aziraphale, and the angel in this case, while intimidated, would be quite glad that there was also nothing of the pent up lust that had been building in Crowley for nearly 6 millennia for his angel. Delivering messages was one thing, being lusted after by a demon was really not in the contract. 

The only angel willingly the object of such was currently safe in his bookshop in Soho. Return to text

9 A Z Fell and Co was legendary among collectors of rare books - like the holy grail or that part of a map that read 'here there be dragons'. Getting in and making a purchase of one of his rare books, to then get back out with said purchase was considered so difficult that anyone who managed would become the stuff of legends. Return to text

10 Of course Crowley worried for naught in this case. The reason Crowley could sneak up on him like this was because Aziraphale didn't consider him a danger. Even that first day on the wall of the Garden of Eden, the Angel of the Eastern Gate had perhaps felt a little worry as Crowley had slithered his way up next to him, but over the following millennia, he had grown to quite crave Crowley's company. Any other being trying to sneak up on him would quickly learn to not judge Aziraphale by his soft looks. Return to text

11 Hell would love an angel impervious to hellfire and Heaven a demon who was holy water resistant. All the demon and the angel could hope for here was that neither Heaven or Hell would ever find out the truth. Return to text

12 At heart, Crowley was a romantic. He'd never admit to this, of course. And he was thoroughly overpowered by Aziraphale's protective instincts and displays of power, and quite happily so. Return to text

13 Crowley really shouldn't worry about this. There was very little Aziraphale would say no to. While Crowley perhaps had the greater imagination, his influence on Aziraphale's imagination, especially in the privacy of the bedroom, could best be likened to an amplifier on steroids at a rock concert. Return to text

14 Unbeknown to Crowley, a small video of this scene went viral on twitter and tumblr - and by proxy on facebook a week later. This video was retweeted many times by the user last_angelic_unicorn. Return to text

15 Aziraphale had never told Crowley how the archangels had treated him, but Crowley wasn't stupid. He could read between the lines and knew an arsehole when he encountered one. Not to mention how they'd treated him while he'd pretended to be Aziraphale. If that was the standard treatment they gave his angel, then Crowley had no reason to play nice. Return to text

16 Aziraphale wasn't vain as such. But neither was he impervious to society's body image and how other angels chose to appear. In this aspect, Crowley was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to him, because he didn't care, as long as Aziraphale was Aziraphale. Return to text

17 While they were strictly speaking not wrong, once again Hell failed to see Crowley's ability to _imagine_ things and make them _be_. Crowley had seen love and had known it since the start because an angel had shown him compassion and companionship. He was incapable of imagining not loving Aziraphale. Return to text

**Author's Note:**

> I could not have gotten the bloody code for the tweet to work without the brilliant [CSS workskin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664164) by Aerynevenstar


End file.
